Easier said than done!

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As many, many of you know HS affects every part of life from work and school to be able to get a good night sleep. We struggle with a lot, wanting to do something and actually being able to are two polar opposites when you have HS, one thing that seems to be a cause of anxiety for many of us is how to find love? and if you find it what the hell do you tell them? Today I would like to explain some of the ways that may help when you're starting a new relationship.

So I've heard many people, mainly women, ask over and over again what to do when it comes to dating? HS is unfortunately not well known which means when people initially learn about it there are some questions that need to be answered. But before we even get to that here is a scenario, 



You have been speaking to a friend of a friend and have really hit it off, your texting all the time, laughing at each other's jokes, it's all going great. Then its time to go on a date. A lot of people I know would take this opportunity to 'warn' the other person about their scars and HS and all the heartache.

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 STOP!

You don't need to do this! There is no reason to dive into your full medical history with this person when all they wanted to do was go and see a movie with you. If the relationship blossoms great if not then you haven't just shared something very personal with someone you may never see again.

My advice would be to take your time, there isn't a countdown to when you must inform your partner take it at your own pace. Again, the relationship may not go very far so why tell someone something personal if they may not be in your life the following week. That being said if there is something there and you feel comfortable telling them, then trust your gut! Its all about when you feel ready to. 

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When it comes down to telling your partner about HS, please, please, please, don't panic. I was petrified when I told my boyfriend imaging him walking out, hating me being disgusted and all that happened was he hugged me told me he loved me and asked what was for tea? The best thing I could advise is don't overwhelm them if you just sit them down where you are both comfortable and explain that this is a disease you have, this is what it entails, it's not contagious (that's always the big one), no-one knows why, there isn't any cure but there are a few treatments out there. Simply put, that's all there is to say, then if you want to go further, or they ask questions great, but I've heard so many people say they went in and told their partners everything about the pain the three stages the operations and packing and showed pictures and article after article all at a once and I think its just too much! 

Obviously, you will want to talk to your partner about all this at some point but maybe not all on one day in the space of 60 minutes? 

The last 'tip' i have today is to not build your hopes up. Now, this might sound horrible but I thought it best to include, thankfully the majority of people I know with HS are in loving relationships and their partners are brilliant. However it's not always the case, I've heard of partners breaking up with people over this, people being emotionally abused over it and even of someone publically announcing their condition trying to humiliate the person. All I want to say is this, HS takes a lot from us, but it cant take those we love and those who love us. If you are in a relationship with someone who candle handle your condition, it's their loss. They weren't strong enough and we deal with so much we shouldn't have to be strong for someone else. So good riddance! 

If anyone who is living with HS or is a partner of someone with HS would like to share their experience please get in touch by clicking here.

Thanks,

XOXO